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blissful thinking |
happiness may be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light ~albus dumbledore |
this afternoon was one of those days. i was on the way home from cedar rapids and on a whim, i decided to take a tour of the gravels of jones county. as i was driving, i realized how beautiful brown is. even though we could still have a lot of winter left, everything about today whispered “SPRING!” in the fall, brown means death. we watch the crops turn brown and dry out. then the leaves from the trees, their bright colors turn to brown and finally the grass shrivels and lays limp, and we hope that it snows soon to cover the ugly.
winter has been kind to us here in iowa, but it doesn’t take away from the magic and promise of spring. driving along the muddy gravel road, smelling thawed farms and marveling at the small patches of snow that lay melting in the ditches. it was one of those days where every song on the radio reached into your soul and triggered happiness. from cherished moments with friends that are now scattered across the country to just feeling like every farm girls dream, driving a pick up alone down a gravel road, vowing to make every song a theme song to a new and next chapter in my life. what sort of new chapter, you might ask? I try to see every day as a new chapter, a new adventure. I work hard to look at challenges as adventures.
i can’t wait until spring. each new flower makes the world a little bit brighter. each warm day brings out a little glimmer of hope and fosters another bit of dream for all of us.
as you can tell, i love spring. here’s to warmer weather and bigger dreams.
I’ve been having an identity crisis. I’ve had to give up dairy for the past few weeks. Really, what kind of wanna-be dairy farmer gives up Nature’s perfect food? How can I possibly make up for all of those vitamins and minerals? It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve done it. My down fall is that I’ve taken these delicious dairy products for granted for way too long. I ate pizza the other day, because of course PIZZA is a staple, not a dairy product, right? (I realize that all of you are thinking to yourself “duh Heather, cheese? Pizza? Milk? Duh!”)
Last night we were out for supper with the Dairy Association. There was cottage cheese, sour cream, cheese, butter… heavenly, right? I have never been glad to see “vegetable spread” on a table until last night. I’ve even had to give up my Ranch
But anyway, this situation has caused me to think a lot about the food I am eating. What kind of effect does it have on me? My health? The way I am feeling? It’s all so interesting, and I’ve been fascinated by it before.
We try not to eat a ton of pre-packaged food at our house (okay, minus the mac and cheese that Brandon and Tucker can’t live without), but we still use a lot of things like pasta, canned sauce, baking mix, white flour, etc. Now, I’m not going to come out and say all of this stuff is bad, but I will admit that we’ve probably been over-utilizing those things as staples in our diet.
So this week (starting yesterday) I’ve challenged myself to eat nothing pre-packaged or “processed” for a week. Now, I know that EVERYTHING is processed at some point- from fruits and vegetables to meat, all of it. So I will used processed to mean foods that come in boxes or bags that are considered convenience foods. I’m going to cut out the majority of white flour and refined sugar.
I do have a few exceptions:
1. I’m going to do my best. I will not consider my entire experiment ruined if I have to eat canned vegetables.
2. I’m not going to turn down other people’s food/hospitality. (I’m doing an experiment, I’m not stupid!)
3. This is my experiment. The rest of the family can join me, or they won’t. So far, Brandon is not on board. Tucker has no choice.
So, beginning from yesterday:
Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs
Lunch: Homemade Mini Pizzas (here was my first failure. Jarred pizza sauce.)
Supper: Salad, steak, baked potato and green beans at a local restaurant (see rule 2)
Today:
Breakfast: Whole Wheat Pancakes- this was our first test, which was better? Whole Wheat homemade? Or from the box? Being that the adults both had a firm opinion, we left in up to the toddler, who’s opinion could not be swayed. Yes, he loves his mommy (I won!)
The Recipe (adapted from allrecipes.com)
Whole Wheat Pancakes
1 cup whole wheat flour
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup rolled oats
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tbsp brown sugar
1/4 cup olive oil
2 cups butter milk (or 2 cups milk and 2 tbsp vinegar)(This seemed to be a little much. Next time I’ll add a little bit at a time)
2 eggs, beaten
Combine flours, oats, powder, soda, sugar. Add oil and mix until it is the consistency of sand. Add milk and eggs.
Cook on griddle (about 2 minutes per side)
today has been rough. i don’t know why. i mean, i think i know, but for some reason, i don’t know why i’m bothered today. i miss my family, and i miss my friends. maybe it is just the holidays, or maybe i have had too much time off work (my house work is all done, other than the extreme number of toys all over the place- after this Christmas, we need a machine shed rather than a toy box!) tucker is so blessed to have such a wonderful and caring family. and so are brandon and i. but, that doesn’t change the fact that occasionally, we all have days where the last thing we want to do is get out of bed. at least, days where we would love to watch soap operas or cartoons all day. today was one of those days. it could have been the non-stop OTH.
anyway, i threw together some pizza tonight. i rarely make anything with a mix, and i try to stay away from frozen/processed foods. that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the occassional frozen pizza, or that i don’t have my love affair with mccafe, but for the most part, i try to do the homemade thing. its healthier (albiet, only slightly) and i like to cook.
here is my tried-and-true recipe for pizza crust. it is from allrecipes.com, and the best part i that there is no waiting for it to rise. i mix it together and immediately put it in the pan.
Quick Pizza Crust
1 pkg active dry yeast
1 tsp white sugar
1 cup warm water
1 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Dust pizza pan (or cookie sheet) with cornmeal (I always line it with parchment paper first. I hate scrubbing).
Dissolve yeast and sugar in water and mix with a whisk. Add flour, oil and salt. Top and bake.
January 1st always has such promise. New resolutions, a fresh new outlook.
Today hasn’t been a productive day by our normal standards. Tucker is on his second nap, Brandon is doing chores (again) and I’m…well, I’m catching up on my blog.
I have a lot of resolutions for this year. Some are very private, but some are pretty normal. One of them is to make a new recipe once a week. I’m pretty excited about putting my new cookbooks to the test!
I knew that I liked to cook, but over Christmas, I realized that cooking is what really relaxes me and makes me feel good. I was running around trying to wrap presents, clean house, make sure everyone’s laundry was clean and pressed, and took some time to make meatballs and a cake for the Christmases we were attending. Halfway through mixing and stirring, I realized that I more calm and content than I had been all day.
Count on seeing recipes in here, SOON!
I have to admit failure. I wanted to post 30 things that I am thankful for, I really did. I made it to twenty-four. I have scores more, but it just started to sound contrived. I am thankful for almost every part of my life and all of the things and people that help me along this journey, there are simply too many to name. Here they are:
16: My church. I’ve been fortunate enough to find a church home here in Iowa. The parishioners of Bethlehem Lutheran Church have truly been a blessing. Not only do they welcome me with open arms, but they have also welcomed Tucker during church services. He’s even made friends that love to sit with him during fellowship. Fellowship—I really think Lutherans have the corner on this one- not only do they meet to talk about God, but there are cookies. And coffee.
17: Kindness of others. I can’t go into much detail on this one, but Brandon and I were given some amazing opportunities this year by some great people. These people looked at Brandon and I and said “you are hard workers, and we know that you will take full advantage of the opportunities that come your way.” And they wanted to help us out. It brings me to tears even thinking about what these people did for us out of the kindness of their hearts and the faith that they had in us. Our biggest dream is that one day we will be able to “pay it forward.”
18: My faith. While I’m very Lutheran, I’ve said before that I have my own brand of theology. I love that my faith continually changes and grows and that my relationship with God is constantly changing and growing. It is a source of comfort and curiosity.
19: Kids. I love spending time with kids. From my family to the little guys at Sunshine that I see every morning at drop off and pick up to the older kids I work with. They are so creative, so imaginative, so fun. On occasion I’ve had to shake my head, and sometimes they just plain wear me out, but they definitely make me smile!
20: My conviction. No, not an arrest record. I’ve been called pushy, I’ve been called stubborn, I’ve been told to JUST LET IT GO! Sometimes, this works out to be a negative, but many times, its been a positive. I wish I could tell you how many times that I’ve been told, “I’d tell you its impossible, but you’d just prove me wrong.” Nothing is impossible.
21: Volunteerism. I’m so thankful for volunteers. The ones I work with professionally, the ones that I serve on committees with and the ones who spend their time working with and for causes that they feel strongly about. Good volunteers can (and frequently do) change lives.
22: Tucker’s daycare. While I’d love to be home with Tucker everyday, I can’t. I’m thankful that I know that he is happy and well taken care of while I can’t be with him.
23: Community. For the most part, I love small town life. It’s a unique way of life, and we’re lucky to be a part of it.
24: Agriculture. Agriculture feeds the word. Farmers and other agriculturalists are in a unique position. We work hard in the heat of the summer and the dead of the winter. We care for cattle and for the land. I’m thankful to be a part of this community and way of life.
One of my most favorite and frustrating things about being a mom is the constant little shadow that follows me nearly every where I go. He’s my favorite grocery shopping buddy, reminds me of all the steps of my morning routine and has been known to pound at the door while I am taking a shower.
He’s becoming a bigger and bigger help lately, so this afternoon, when I asked him if he wanted to help give the dog a bath and he was excited, I was excited too.
Now for all of you who are shaking your heads, thinking this is a terrible idea, you are right. See, I’m really good at ideas. Not that I have good ideas, I just have a lot of them, and many of them don’t work out quite the way that I hope. In the past, I’ve had some awesome friends to join me in these adventures (oh the days of living on Main Street), but lately, its been a solo act. You can imagine my happiness when Tucker trooped into the bathroom with the bottle of pet shampoo (with a kitty on it too!) He watched as I laid an old blanket on the floor in front of the shower (where the ill-fated bath was to take place). He helped me gather some dark colored towels (and our amazing sham-wow). His interest was even further piqued when I filled two buckets full of warm water (for rinsing) and put them firmly against the wall where no wagging tail (oh, how I was dreaming!) would knock them over. He beamed as we stood by the back door and called the dog. When I brought the dog into the bathroom (in the house!!) the look on his face was pure bliss.
The dog, however, was having misgivings. In his entire life, Dozer has spent less than an hour in the house. He isn’t what you would call a house dog. He’s a year-old (this month!) border collie who loves running, chasing cows and lately, smelling as badly as possible. Okay, I know that he doesn’t actually love smelling, but he does love finding, rolling in and eating the smelliest stuff he can find. For the past few weeks, he has smelled up his kennel, the entire garage and anyone who gets within five feet of him. We’ve been waiting for a warm day with nothing to do to give him a bath, but I’ve realized that not only is a warm day not going to be around for a while, but also that this is our last free weekend of 2011. So, today was the day. I casually mentioned the idea to Brandon (who quickly vetoed it) but since he was working outside, and I was working inside (and I would clean up the mess) his opinion was just that, an opinion.
The first sign that this wasn’t going to be a fun afternoon at the dog wash was Dozer’s look of pure panic when I brought him into the house. He is not a house dog and he knows it. A little sweet talking and a rawhide bone and he settled down in the shower. He was whining as to say “this isn’t a good idea people!” Here I was, holding the smelly, dirty, muddy dog in the shower, while my eighteen-month-old sat on my lap, petting him and repeating his name over and over again. Pure bliss. His best friend was finally in the house, cozy and warm. I started pouring cups of water over his back, and he tried to scurry out of the shower as quickly as possible. I was able to calm him down by combing the sand burrs out of his fur. It was the only time I’ve ever seen a dog so conflicted. He was obviously miserable in the house and in the shower, but was loving the attention and being brushed.
By this time, there is soap all over the dog and I, and a ring about three feet up all the way up the shower walls. (Thankfully just in the shower.) The little boy is trying to help, by pointing out all of the water left in the buckets and thoroughly enjoying the sight of his mommy and his doggy. By this time, I realize that there is no way that I’m going to get this dog completely clean. I settle for “smelling better.” (It was then I realized that he didn’t really smell that bad when I brought him into the house… I quickly pushed that thought out of my head— this wasn’t all for nothing.)
It was time to end the bath and perform a miracle— getting the dog dry before he shook muddy water all over my (freshly painted) white walls.
I was only partially successful. I ushered him into the mudroom and finished brushing him. Meanwhile, Tucker had realized that maybe it wasn’t so fun to watch Mommy go crazy.
After scrubbing the walls, starting the load of laundry (hot!) and lighting a scented candle, I checked on the dog. He was quite unhappy about being in the house, but was taking a nap by the door. I figured that I would leave him there for a while until he was completely dry.
Tucker had other ideas. A few minutes later, the wet dog was standing in the middle of my dining room. I spotted him and he spotted me and we had matching looks of panic. We both scrambled to the back door and his look was of pure triumph as he bounded down the steps.
Lesson learned: Tucker’s approval is not a sign that my genius has been recognized. More than likely, it is a sign that my idea boasts the reasoning of a toddler.
A few weeks ago, I heard the question “What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you had thanked God for today.” What a concept. What if you woke up with only the things that you had consciously appreciated the day before?
In that spirit, here are 30 of the many, many, many things that I am grateful for each day.
THE FIRST FIFTEEN
1: My husband. He knows me better than anyone else in the world and still loves me.
2: My son. Everything about him amazes me. Everyday he learns something new and he shows more and more of his personality. I’m so proud to be his mom and I hope that he will always be proud to have me as his mom.
3: My family. I’m so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing extended family— grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, both the family that I was born into and the family that I married into. They are so kind and caring and I feel blessed to know each and every one of them.
4: My siblings. I grew up with three very special individuals. We’ve had our fights (and some doozies) but the older we get, the more we become friends. I’m thankful that I have three people that I know will always be there for me and Brandon and Tucker. And I hope they remember that I will always be there for them.
5: Brandon’s siblings. They have quickly become some of my favorite people in this whole world. They are so accepting and fun and just overall awesome people. They are great aunts and uncles to Tucker and great brothers and sisters. I count my lucky stars that I joined such a great family.
6: My parents (and parents-in-law). They have helped shape me into the person I am today. I’m grateful for that.
7: My friends. If there is a group of people that have been there for it all, it is my friends. Even though we don’t talk or see each other nearly as much as I would like to, I think about you all a lot. The times we’ve shared were truly life-changing.
8: My home. Of course I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, when so many don’t have even that basic need fulfilled. This year it means so much more to our family. I didn’t realize how much more it would mean to be in our own home. Hopefully our forever home.
9: My jobs. Yup, both of them. Even when I feel stressed out and overwhelmed, I am grateful to be able to work. I’m grateful for my co-workers and all of the kids and families that I’ve gotten to know. I’m grateful that I get to be creative and self-determined.
10: Our farm. It’s a huge dream come true to live and work on the farm. Even though Brandon is doing most (nearly all) of the farm work right now, I love that I see our cows through our front window, grazing in our pastures. I’m glad that Tucker gets to grow up on a farm, and that he’ll get to learn all the life lessons that I did.
11: My Holsteins. They are a symbol of the dreams that have yet to come true. They signify how far I’ve come towards reaching my goals, and yet how farm I have left to go.
12: Dozer. No matter how much I’ve messed up or how bad of a day that I’m having, he’s always happy to see me. He always wants as much of my attention as I can give him and he’s as faithful as they come.
13: My marriage. I know that I already said that I was thankful for my husband, but I am incredibly thankful for our relationship. We are truly partners. We are not always on the same page, but we are usually on the same chapter, and always in the same book. His strengths compliment my faults and it only takes two or three words to make us crack up at the dinner table. Even at its worst, its great.
14: Books. I love reading. I love that Tucker is so into his books— from finding the bus and tractor pictures to kissing the kitties (and the puppies) he reads his books as much as he plays with his tractors. I love that books can take you to places and times that would otherwise be impossible.
15: My kitchen. I love to cook and bake and I love everything about my kitchen. The cupboard space, the gas stove, the dishwasher. It is one of my favorite places.
Suddenly, Tucker has a thing for babies. All babies— dolls, babies on the television, real-life babies at church. He loves to rock them and hold them and hug them and kiss them and tell everyone “shhhhh” when he sees a baby. It is too cute for words. One of the things that made me happiest today was sitting with him and watching him hug and rock his baby (my favorite doll from my childhood) as she was wrapped up in his favorite blanket. I asked if the baby was sleeping and he pointed to the doll’s eyes, which were obviously awake. (Silly me!) Then he gave his doll a kiss. My heart melted completely.
I also love that the dolls that I loved when I was a little girl are coming back (even though a bit worse for wear) and are loved by my baby.
Being a parent is the hardest task that I’ve ever taken on. I question myself everyday. Am I good enough? Is he happy? I know how I want my child to grow up- I want him to be happy and healthy, of course, but I also want him to be intelligent and open-minded and strong-willed and respectful. I want him to be mischievous, adventurous, polite and hard-working. I want him to feel loved and supported and I want him to feel independent and I want him to achieve.
I have no idea how to help him become all of those things. I guess I just need to do my best. We’ve all just started on this journey of being a family. I have a feeling that as Brandon and I teach Tucker to do things like tie his shoes and write his name, he won’t be the only one who is learning. At only 18 months into this lifetime, he has taught me so much. He’s made me want to be a better person, he’s pushed me to the limits and he’s taught me the meaning of unconditional love.
I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.
Today has not started out as a good day. First, I woke up later than I should have, and it was raining and sleeting— not condusive for an early morning walk. I got a little bit of excersize in, but not as much as I wanted to. That wasn’t a huge deal. I still felt good about it!
Tucker used the big boy potty— and he was very proud! That of course made me proud, and feel good that he felt so good about himself. But then I was running late, my oatmeal exploded in the microwave (so instead of oatmeal and coffee on a morning like today, my breakfast is popcorn and diet pepsi… ugh), Tucker cried when I put him in his carseat, it took me three tries to back out of the garage (because “someone” didn’t pull in straight), the truck door (on the new-to-us truck that we picked up last night) wouldn’t register as being shut, so I had lights and dings all the way into town. At daycare, I tried to fix it and ended up with a door that just wouldn’t shut.
Tucker went into daycare with sort of a “get me away from this crazed woman” look on his face. I drove to work holding the door closed. I was already 30 minutes late, Brandon wouldn’t answer his phone, it was raining and sleeting and the new truck does not have a make up mirror.
Oh, the first world problems!
But you know, the moral of the story— the door was fixed, my stomach was full, I got to work and maybe a day without make up isn’t the end of the world. Even when everything seems to be going wrong, there are so many things that are going right. Its hard to see that at the time, but in the end, everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Just “good enough.”
I’ve been inspired. By a wonderful, beautiful girl named Taylor who has started this blog:
I spent a long time with “happiness” as my goal. All I wanted was to be happy. In my mind, I would be happy if everything was perfect. If my house was spotless, I’d be happy. If my work was perfect, I’d be happy. If this was perfect, I’d be happy. Then, I read somewhere that happiness shouldn’t be a goal. It is a by-product. A by-product of the things you do, the people you know, the things that you love. You set your goals and the process of working towards them is rewarding, and that’s where the happiness comes in. I wish I still had the article, because the writer explained it much more eloquently than I am here. I was also told lately that it’s okay to only be “good enough.” Being perfect means being stagnant— that you can’t get any better than you are right now.
Lately, I’ve had a change of heart. I’ve found happiness in the little things— my son’s laugh, a sunny day, a great song on the radio, my husband’s smile (sappy, I know), but I’ve also rediscovered how cathartic writing is (just don’t ask me how my NaNoWriMo is going). So, I’m giving blogging another chance. Like I said before, I’m going to write about things that make me happy. And, if they happen to make someone else happy along the way, even better :)